Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Loose Bondage

Grief is a continuous process, till it isn't.

I likened grief previously to a corset.  It bound my ribs and despite the difficultly in breathing it kept me upright.  Time has done it's job and the corset has shrunk.  I am able to be upright without it's help.  It now is a wide black ribbon that lives under my breasts.  At times it tightens, reminds me that it is still there.  He is still gone.  

I have been alternately looking forward to this week and fearing it.  I am off to a place that holds so many emotional memories for me of him.  Him living and his death.

So I will carry small memories with me to remind me of the joy he brought me and I will have his bracelet with me as always.  I picked up a small bottle of Crown and will share it during the Temple Burn.

These small rituals and goodbyes help the ribbon shrink.  I don't think the ribbon will ever disappear.  I wonder if I should find that as comforting as I do.

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