Wednesday, September 24, 2014


I need to find Jillian Weise's new poetry book.  Search it out of a dusty cavernous store with 3 cats and an owner who manages to disappear before you can ask a question.  I want to trip over it shiny new in the dark gloom of forgotten tombs.

I want to rescue it.

I am tipsy gal.  One beer in and shaved ice as dinner. I will sleep tonight, but the dreams have lost their prophecy. Good, I need time to me.  I overbooked my world again.

Failure to say no.

I am still sleeping. No danger zone yet. How I love to skirt that edge though.

Cannot fall over
Cannot fall over
Cannot fall over

Poetry to prop me up and the reminder that somewhere, somehow there will always be a tomorrow even if it isn't for me or mine.

Always a tomorrow.

Tuesday, September 23, 2014

Yellow, I call yellow

It's midnight and my throat is still fucked.  I should be sleeping, snoring along with Zenhead crashed out on my floor.  Obviously, I am not.  I am still coming down from the day.

These last few weeks have been a whirlwind of emotion, drama and re-acclimating. I don't recall ever having such a delay in my full return before.  Part of me is enjoying it.  I am being more daring then typical.  Part of me wonders if this is a chemical imbalance issue and I need to watch it closely.

Most of me thinks with the ups come the downs, and I need to remember to pace myself.

Thursday, September 4, 2014


Must remember how to be circumspect.

Mouth soft, teeth locked, eyes open.

Finding Mental Footing

I just returned from Black Rock City yesterday.  Part of me is still in BRC mode.  I am trying to fit back into my normal patterns, but I don't conform as well yet.  Need more time or maybe the patterns just need to change.  This will be something to evaluate, when I can formulate more coherent thoughts.

The hardest part of coming back from a week plus in the desert is reining in that spread of freedom.  I need to meet goals and deadlines again.  I need to get back into the mindset of keeping my reactions and desires under my skin instead of letting them come forth and be.

I need to settle back into my skin.  Put the TAC mindset back in her box and re-make the boundaries that allow me to express myself as needed, but not to the point of overwhelming myself or others.

Should have left the phone in the box till today...TAC mind was too prevalent previously and I bounced right into a danger zone.  Hopefully, it is okay now.  No harm no foul, right?  Keeping fingers crossed and trying to avoid checking my email too much.

I got to work on my patterns.  Things have changed.  I blame the bass.  It thrums right through me, rattling open boxes I thought locked, I thought dead, I thought lost.  So much is coming to the surface for me to sift through.  What can I review, what can I rebox and what do I need to reincorporate?

Overwhelming at this point.  I have a quick sketch on what I need to ponder, so I will slowly begin the internal inventory & evaluation within the next week.

It is nice though, to have tender places to push again.