I likened grief previously to a corset. It bound my ribs and despite the difficultly in breathing it kept me upright. Time has done it's job and the corset has shrunk. I am able to be upright without it's help. It now is a wide black ribbon that lives under my breasts. At times it tightens, reminds me that it is still there. He is still gone.
I have been alternately looking forward to this week and fearing it. I am off to a place that holds so many emotional memories for me of him. Him living and his death.
So I will carry small memories with me to remind me of the joy he brought me and I will have his bracelet with me as always. I picked up a small bottle of Crown and will share it during the Temple Burn.
These small rituals and goodbyes help the ribbon shrink. I don't think the ribbon will ever disappear. I wonder if I should find that as comforting as I do.