Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Loose Bondage

Grief is a continuous process, till it isn't.

I likened grief previously to a corset.  It bound my ribs and despite the difficultly in breathing it kept me upright.  Time has done it's job and the corset has shrunk.  I am able to be upright without it's help.  It now is a wide black ribbon that lives under my breasts.  At times it tightens, reminds me that it is still there.  He is still gone.  

I have been alternately looking forward to this week and fearing it.  I am off to a place that holds so many emotional memories for me of him.  Him living and his death.

So I will carry small memories with me to remind me of the joy he brought me and I will have his bracelet with me as always.  I picked up a small bottle of Crown and will share it during the Temple Burn.

These small rituals and goodbyes help the ribbon shrink.  I don't think the ribbon will ever disappear.  I wonder if I should find that as comforting as I do.

Wednesday, August 6, 2014

Poetry Interlude


Yet life is not a vision nor a prayer,

But stubborn work; she may not shun her task.
After the first compassion, none will spare
Her portion and her work achieved, to ask.
She pleads for respite,—she will come ere long
When, resting by the roadside, she is strong.

Nay, for the hurrying throng of passers-by

Will crush her with their onward-rolling stream.
Much must be done before the brief light die;
She may not loiter, rapt in the vain dream.
With unused trembling hands, and faltering feet,
She staggers forth, her lot assigned to meet.

But when she fills her days with duties done,

Strange vigor comes, she is restored to health.
New aims, new interests rise with each new sun,
And life still holds for her unbounded wealth.
All that seemed hard and toilsome now proves small,
And naught may daunt her,—she hath strength for all.

Emma Lazarus

Tuesday, August 5, 2014


Red pill or blue pill
No, thank you, I will take that gross little pink one
Keeps my stomach from tilting with the world

Unless you have a small blue one with Buddha stamped on it in the back there...

I will take him instead and float.