It becomes a rhythm, the mantra
Dead, death, died, deceased
Then his name over and over again.
I can't decide if I am attempting to lessen the impact of the reality by constantly reintroducing the knowledge or if I am just torturing myself for no good reason.
Probably a bit of both. At least now my nails don't cut into my palms when I begin my recital.
I will take that as a step one.
I can't even comprehend a step two.