I can't seem to pin it down. I am doing the things I need to do to survive. Baseline is taken care of, but what about more? This is the goal of my 30's. To learn to move beyond surviving.
I feel 28 again. I have all the strands I need in my hand. I can keep them from tangling and knotting up. Now I just need to braid it all together, but I keep stumbling and having to unravel my own mistakes. Nothing is running smoothly and I am so tired from just hanging on.
I don't want to relive this year, or any past year. Smacks too close of stagnation. I dislike this lack of function. My own capability gaps are widening instead of closing. This is not what I want.
Damn him, for this tail spin. Damn him for this regression, for this depression.
I want to be back. I want back, I want better and I lack the patience to wait. I guess I need to find the energy to run.